Sunday, June 6, 2010

Summer Is Coming, Will You Be Too?

During the summer, the temperatures rise, and if you’re lucky, hoes will be wearing minimal clothing. But of course, just because they are wearing less doesn’t mean they have somehow become easier to seduce. On the contrary, hoes get stingy when they get sweaty, so get ready.

In a perfect world, there would be plenty of hoes to go around for all of us, especially during the summer when living is easy. Sadly though, that is not the case, so I’m here to help you, so that hopefully, you can pull a hoe and mix your semen with her sweat when she is wet.

First off, during the summer, there are always going to be more people around, including cockblockers and ugly friends. So you will need to find a niche in order to get a bitch.

1. A pool. The easiest way to attract hoes to your area, is with a nice pool for them to cool down. Of course, the nicer the pool, the higher-class the girl you will end up with, including a correlation between water-depth and female rating. 10 foot pool, complete with diving board? You will be looking at pulling a certified dime, and maybe even twins. BUT, if you’re working with an inflatable kiddie-pool, you’re probably going to find yourself swimming with a girl so fat that she’ll drain the pool of water when she steps in.

When you’re around the pool, there are plenty of props you can use to guage how interested a certain target may be. Does she seem eager to play with the pool noodle? Well there you go, she is just roleplaying, daydreaming of your dick while she is diving in the deep end. Another sign of possible willingness to wax your wang would be chicken-fighting. Of course, if she wants to chicken fight, there is nothing wrong with that. But if you two are alone, and she still tries to mount your shoulders for seemingly no reason, she may just be dry humping your neck. (now that’s a real humpback, ha)….


2. A six-pack. Obviously, you’re going to want to be comfortable in the heat, so you may be taking off your shirt from time to time. This is the time where being in shape comes in handy the most. If you take your shirt off, and your looking like Channing Tatum, it’s almost guaranteed that you will have eyes and hands all over you. Of course, if you don’t have washboard abs, you’re going to need to carry your own 6-pack arounds. Because if there is one thing that hoes like more than fit dudes, it is free alcohol. Also, keep in mind, that regardless of how fit a guy is, your amount of beers can/will always surpass his amount of abs. If you want a real advantage, just bust out a thirty pack to put his six to shame, and you will steal a hoe so quickly the guys abs will be moist with his tears.


3. An empty house. During the summer, most hoes waste there days, trying to figure out what they are going to do that night. They will usually sit at popular hipster coffee houses, or try to find the nearest empty house to plan probable penis penetration. If you have your own apartment/house, or even if your parents are gone during the day, you have an advantage. You can start the intoxication/swimming early, and have a hoe-pulled early enough so that she can go down on you in synchronization with the sun. Talk about convenient!


4. Separate friend groups. When summer arrived, everybody had big plans about branching out, meeting new people, and expanding the horizons of hoe-pulling. But usually, that doesn’t work out, and you stay around the same group so long you can keep give a detailed description of the dicks that girls have taken through the years. A sort of scrapbook of sluttiness.

But if you are able to branch out on your own and bring new people into the group, you can increase the number of possible targets. Plus, you can bring outside hoes in to alleviate the pressure, and perhaps distract everyone while you pull a girl you may have had your eye on. While this is still an experimental procedure, I have seen positive results from it. Just make sure that you don’t accidentally lose all your hoes from the other group AND miss out on what you wanted from the original group.

AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS…


5. Vacation. So, you were having trouble pulling hoes in your hometown? Don’t lose hope, hop a train or plane and go and find yourself a long-distance dame. After all, nobody there will know who you are, and you have a clean slate. Even better, if you accidentally fuck an ugly hoe, you can just end your vacation and come back home, and nobody here will know anything about it. You can return refreshed, with improved confidence, and perhaps while you were gone, hoes will have missed you enough to give you a welcome home handjob!


Hopefully this all helped a bit, and you will be able to start the summer off right with a nice a bang (get it? Ha!).

Good luck getting lucky.