Saturday, March 5, 2011

Bros Before Hoes: When Is It Acceptable To Ditch For A Bitch?

Very often, we are faced with a dilemma; should we ditch our friends to chill with a girl? Or should we always be loyal to the male division of our friends. To be honest, when it comes down to a battle of sexes, the one that you can have sex with will almost always win.

This isn’t to say that you should always bail on your buds to get some butt, but in certain situations, it isn’t a bad idea.

Guaranteed nut busting with a new girl= Acceptable. Obviously, you aren’t supposed to bail on your good friends in order to go fuck, but true friends will understand, unless you’re going to fuck their girl, or the two of you have signed up for a 2-on-2 basketball tournament or something. If you have yet to slide inside this girl, and it has been established that by choosing this hoe over bros, you are guaranteed penetration, go ahead. However, the wild card here is that you should invite your friends to join you in busting this nut whenever possible. The old adage remains true, nothing build friendships more than traveling together, and in this situation, running train together is the best trip I can think of.

High-rated hoes over bros = Acceptable. This is another situation where it is acceptable to abandon your current friends in order to pursue the puss. No REAL friend is going to get mad if you disappear to go chase a fine ass dime, you just have to make sure to tell them all the details when you return. 10’s are protected under this statute, as well as 9’s. If you are approached by your friends and called a bitch for trying to go leave, they are most likely jealously cockblocking you.

Extreme drought = Acceptable. If you’re blue balls have gone from sky, to royal to navy and are now approaching a shade of purple, you are granted a pardon to penetrate. I wouldn’t even wish a dry streak on my worst enemies, so if your friends give you a hard time about bailing on them, tell them your story. Anything over 3 months without smashing, and you have reached an extreme drought and need to get your dick wet ASAP.

Retaliation desertion in hopes of insertion = Perhaps Acceptable. It happens, some dude always disappears to go be with some gal, and it isn’t always during an acceptable situation. Let’s say your best friend bailed on you last week when he was supposed to be tearing down the walls in your house, in order to tear down some girl’s wall instead. If his situation doesn’t correspond to one of the three that I mentioned above, you are now given an opportunity to do the same. Granted that it is within one week of his, and the girl you bail on him with is of equal or hotter value than his was. Bonus points (though a little grimy) if it is the same girl that he bailed on you for.

Checking something off your checklist = Perhaps Acceptable. In the grand sexual scope, we all have a checklist that we hope to accomplish before our penises become obsolete and hoes no longer have a use for us. These checklists vary in length and difficulty depending on how skilled the man thinks he is. However, if you are within reach of checking off a high-ranked goal on your checklist, it is, at times, acceptable to leave the group in order to chase it. This could include anal sex, Eiffel tower, nutting on faces, a threesome, a MILF, a prom queen, etc, all depending on your personal list. Basically anything that will give you a good story to tell your friends is acceptable, after all, they deserve to be rewarded for being so understanding.

Prudes over dudes = NOT Acceptable. We are all on a mission of jizzing, which explains, very simply, why this is a no-go. You should, under no circumstances, leave your friends in order to chill with a girl who isn’t going to give it up. Exceptions include girlfriends (but why would you be dating a prude), foreign-exchange students (cultural differences are understandable) and taking the prude away from the group in order to protect your friends. However, if you are, somehow, able to Kenyan run through a girl previously identified as prude, you are granted immunity the next time around, and given another opportunity without fear of repercussions.

These are just a few of the situations that you may encounter on your coochie quest. Remember though, money over bitches and bros before hoes still applies in most situations, so don’t make a habit of bailing.

Until next time, keep on F’ing B’s and G’ing M.