1. Hidden beers- Ever see a party at 2 AM where hoes are on a treasure hunt around the house looking for the last drops of alcohol left in the house? Well if you plan ahead, and keep a secret surplus of beer, you will put yourself into a much better position to penetrate. Even beers which would normally be unacceptable to drink in public, (Milwaukee’s Best, Bud Ice, Schlitz, etc) now become currency in the hoe-marketplace, and you’re looking like an entrepreneur of entering pussy…
2. A good, comfortable sleeping location- At the end of the night, when you’re getting ready to lay down in order to sleep off all the light beer and cheap liquor in your system, you’re going to want to find a bed or pullout couch. Because when all the hoes are passing out, none of them want to fall asleep on the floor, and will, in extreme situations trade blowjobs for bed-room. A good wingman will help you save a spot on the bed to give to the hoe, though some may call 2 men gay for sharing a bed, but you’ll get the last laugh when you’re fucking someone in a queen bed while everyone else has blue balls, and is laying in piles of puke around the house.
3. Gum/Mints- The most forgotten tool of all, you must, I repeat, MUST, carry some mints or gum with you throughout the night. Because by the time everybody is going to bed, there will be a good mix of cigarette breath, weed breath, 40 breath, and or Hummus breath. Every good wingman keeps mints with them in order to save their friend in a moment of need. Nothing dries a vagina or softens a dick quicker than halitosis.
As the night passes, and everybody loses their belongings, make sure that you're prepared! The following items, while not crucial to your mission are still important:
- Lighter
- Blanket
- Phone battery
- Toilet paper
- Friends
- Dignity (optional)
For now though, just remember: Keep a reserve of all necessary ingredients to getting fucked up, because at the end of the night, their value triples. I’ve seen people give $5 for a cigarette, half-handjobs for a hit off a blunt, and I almost saw a girl have sex for a sandwich… Hopefully that makes you think twice about packing a lunch before a party.
Although, sometimes, all you need to pull a hoe is confidence and a couple good, smooth pick-up lines.. (Of cocaine.)
Until next time, good luck and strap up.
