Thursday, September 24, 2009

7 Places You Don't Want To Go Hoe-Hunting!

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Monday, September 7, 2009

How To Spot a Hoe- The Telltale Signs; Part 1.

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Friday, September 4, 2009

Hoe-Pulling Accomplishments; A Brief Overview/Checklist- Tier 1

Some people have better luck with hoes than others, that is just a basic fact of life. Aspirations lead to betterment, so if you'd like to have some goals in regard to pulling hoes, refer to the list of praise-worthy accomplishments below and try to acheive as many as possible. (At your own risk)...




  • The Family Connection: 2 Sisters- This goal is fun to accomplish, but is also more difficult than you would primarily think. The proper technique would be to go after the older sister, and then move on to the younger one, as it raises less moral questions on the female's part. Of course, once a girl knows you did had her older sister once, she will perhaps be more inclined to follow in her footsteps. Whether it be for reasons of revenge, or reasons or just to boost her self esteem, older-to-younger is the easier transition. That isn't to be said that you can't jump forwards, but it is a bit of a challenge. Also, usually anything more than a 3-year difference is impossible to overcome. Otherwise, you'll either be a pedophile, or somebody with enough game to pull an old lady. If the latter, high five!


  • The Best Friends- This has been accomplished quite often recently, usually with very little backlash from the hoes involved. As standards sink even lower, best friends pass guys back and forth like it is nothing, so this is easily attainable, even for the game-challeneged. Best friends share everything, right? If you'd like to move from best friend to best friend, leave a bit of a passing period, and make sure not to repeat the same lines or they may compare notes while together later. If you'd like to turn it into a bit of a game, try to better whatever you did with the first, and make the second best friend more memorable. If you want to put an exclamation point in the form of a compliment at the end of the second one, let her know that she was better than her best friend. This may give her a boosted, yet unearned sense of self esteem in the future. Fun.


  • The Hat Trick- Three in one night. By three, I don't mean just kissing three girls, because, well, this isn't 7th grade anymore. I mean full-fledged, triple ejaculations, with three different girls in one night. This is a true accomplishment, and is usually only reached by truly skilled men, or on special occasions, such as birthdays, graduations, and unheralded and random penis growth. If these three all happen to be close friends, give yourself 10 bonus points, because you sir know how to pull hoes! (Additional fact- The record is 9)


  • Twins- Unattainable for most ordinary men, this is a feat that goes down in history whenever it is acheived. If you can get two twins at once, you have skill that the world has rarely seen. The problem with this, is the fact that most twins aren't hoes, (must be something in their DNA which prohibits it) and the fact that hot twins are hard to come by. Compliments are hard to give, because they apply for both, but a creative man will be able to differentiate between the two, and pick a few things to flatter them with. I would give extra points for pulling a siamese twin hoe, but that is just crossing the line, you freaks!


  • Cougars/MILFS- Every mans dream. A grown woman, experienced, and all the things you've ever had wet dreams about. Grocery stores and suburb area youth-soccer games are prime spots for pulling aforementioned MILFS. Teachers and mothers of girls that you know are usually the toughest, but can be attained if you aim low enough, or are truly skilled. I would refrain from doing a friend's mom unless looking to accrue ammunition to get back at him later, or working on revenge.


  • The 50%- 50% refers to having gotten with half the girls in a certain classroom (min. 10 girls). More easily completed at schools with smaller enrollments or private schools with unlimited amounts of hoes, this is a task that proves your superiority at a single school. This usually garners a bit of attention from the girls, as rumors spreads like herpes through private schools, and can damage your reputation, or cement your place in history, however you'd like to look at it. On the last day of school, hand out report cards to each of the girls rating them on their performance.


Honorable Mention-



  • The Eiffel Tower- Sought by many, acheived by few... Talked about all summer in the hopes of being pulled off at the end of it, even some of the most skilled men have fallen short of this feat. What it requires is 2 willing men, (no homo) and a girl with absolutely no inhibitions or self respect it would seem. One guy will be receiving fellatio while his partner in crime is hitting it from the back. While this is happening, the two men will double high-five each other over the girl to form the shape of an eiffel tower. (Extra points for doing it with a French girl!)

Until next time, keep it up... (That's what she said)



Thursday, September 3, 2009

When It Comes To Hoes: The 7 Deadly Cockblocks

We have all encountered cockblocks, some of them not so dangerous, but every once in a while, you'll run into a major cockblock, and somebody will Dikembe Mutombo the shit of your dick and rub it in your face.

7. Fat Girls- I don't have anything against fat girls, it is fine if they want to live their life, but if they try to block the cock, it is unfair. You don't see hockey teams throwing fat people in as goalie to stop anyone from scoring, because they realize how fucked up it is. The fatter a girl is, the harder it is to get the cock around her block it seems. The sad fact of life is where the hoes are, there will be a fat girl there. If there isn't, you need to thank the lords of love, because you've been spared.

For most girls, they know that keeping a fat girl around is the equivalent of giving their vagina a bodyguard. It protects them when necessary, but they can always call it off if they want to do something on their own.

But don't lose hope though, every fat girl has her price. If you want to get around a fat girl using her obesity to obstruct your game, just offer her some pizza rolls, coupons for half price oreos, or if really necessary, give her some whip cream, chocolate syrup, and point her towards your wingman and tell her to have some fun.

6. Gay Best Friends- Even more dangerous than the fat friend, is the gay guy who accompanies the girl everywhere. Once again, I definitely have no problem with gay guys, I don't judge at all, so that isn't where my anger lies. The fact that whenever you approach a hoe with a gay guy on her arm, he stays there, with nowhere to go, due to the fact that there aren't usually an abundance of gay guys at parties than he can go spit his own game at. So he sticks around, and it is even worse if he thinks you're cute, it makes it awkward, because you're standing there trying to talk to the girl, and who knows what's going on in his head!

It won't be as easy to get him away, as pizza rolls and whatnot won't entice him as much as tube steak would. In the perfect world, we would all have gay friends on speed-dial to come up and wingman for you, but sadly, I don't have speed-dial, or any reliable gay friends. So basically, you'll have to get the gay guy drunk, but BEWARE, make sure you don't get him drunk enough to pass out, otherwise the hoe will have to take care of him. Get him drunk enough to the point that he feels comfortable meandering around the party, possibly hitting on loads of straight men. As long as it isn't you, mission accomplished..

5. Johnny Depp- Damnit, makes all other men look bad. Hoe, you are a high school party on a Thursday, why the fuck do you expect Johnny Depp to show up?

4. Having To Take a Poo- Don't lie. At one point in your life, you were about to have sex with a girl, and you had to take a dump. It is a heartbreaker, because you're right there, about to penetrate, but you fear leakage at any moment. That is alright, you are not alone, don't worry.

Men eat good meals before parties to ensure that they don't drink on an empty stomach, and common knowledge tells us that good meals lead to good bowelmovements, but never let this interfere with the pursuit of hoes. Avoid Taco Bell before parties, that is asking for trouble, and a rookie mistake. Remember, if you get too depressed over your stomach problems, just take solace in the fact that the girl isn't the one who has to poop, because as we all know, girls don't poop, ever.

If you ever do have to resort to pooping before you pull a hoe, you'll most likely want to take a shower. Just to be safe.

3. Ex-Girlfriends- This is the one that I will never understand, but always encounter the most. You go to a party, have success with a few hoes, are feeling good about yourself, and then all of a sudden... An ex-girlfriend strolls into the place, and it becomes awkward. Not because I make a big deal out of it, but because she out hoes the hoes, and won't leave you alone all night. This is where a wingman is more important. An ex-girl may think that she is getting back at you by fucking your best friend, but in reality, you are just glad your buddy got some! You need an attractive, good friend to accompany you around to make sure she never gets close, always making sure she never gets within reaching distance of your penis, because she will probably manhandle it.

Whenever necessary, switch social groups away from your exes, because they are nothing but trouble. Don't you find it funny that once you date a girl and it ends, you finally realize how much of a hoe she really was?

2. The Self Cockblock (Forgetting a Condom)- This is the one that puts most guys out of the game. I do not promote sex with hoes without a condom, I don't want anybody getting herpes because of my blog, i can't have that on my conscious! To make sure this never happens, keep spare condoms wherever you can. Car glove compartment, inside your fitted cap, in your shoe, wallet, shit, if necessary, put a condom on your dick before you leave the house for the night if possible.

You can't blame a fat girl if you forget a condom, that's all on you...

AND THE NUMBER ONE COCKBLOCK...

1. Curfew- The most forgotten cockblock of this generation is the curfew. It ruins perfectly good opportunities, and limits countless others. If you know that a girl has to be home at midnight, you need to start your pursuit before 11, and the party may not even be getting started by that time. And because most men do not think ahead, you are usually hard pressed for time when the hookup is right in front of you. Of course, you can always get the girl to go home and then sneak back out, but in this situation, you better damn well have a good performance to make that worthwhile, otherwise she will hold a grudge against you for quite a while.. The curfew brings the dilemma that many men have faced for years...

Do I nut quickly and let her go home on time? Or do I sneak her out and be forced to have sex for much longer than I'd like, placing added pressure on myself just to appease the effort she made to have sex with me...? You decide.

Until next time, keep on pulling.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Top 7 Dangers Of Hoes

Everybody knows that with hoes comes danger, they just go hand-in-hand like fat peopla and buffets. Below, i'll document the top 7 dangers you may encounter when dealing with hoes..

7. Older Brothers- I'm sure we would all be inclined to protect our younger sisters if we thought they were be taken advantage of by a guy. But having a hoe for a little sister is even worse, because she is doing damage to the family name. Whenever dealing with a hoe, you must find out in advance if she has an older brother, and protect yourself against the possibility of family backlash in case of complications. Just because a older brother is small, or relatively weak means nothing, in the heat of battle, little guys can always just kick you in the nuts, which would be disastrous for most of us. Make sure to be careful in dealing with hoes with brothers, don't let him know who you are, where you live, or your circle of friends. Limit conversation with the hoe to phone only, don't leave incriminating evidence in text or facebook. REMEMBER- Just because you fuck a hoe doesn't mean you have to be facebook friends with her...

6. Friendship- Some of you scoff at this notion, but I am serious. Did you know that some hoes actually think that you are friends after you have sex with them? HA! They will call you up, 'just to chat', ask if you want to get a friendly lunch, and ask you to do them favors. If this ever happens to you, just simply reply; "hoe, I already did you a favor, it was called giving you my dick!" That should solve the problem relatively quickly.

5. Being Made Fun of By Friends- This is the one that comes back to bite most guys in the ass. Whether it be because they are jealous that you got some and they didn't, or the fact that you really did just fuck the biggest hoe in the world, your friends will always make it hard for you to live down certain relations you may have. This happens quite often, and is most often in good fun, but that doesn't lessen how annoying it can be having to deal with the cafeteria chants, or embarrassing facebook wall posts. To avoid this, make sure and get a general concensus from all your friends before you get too deep (literally and figuratively) with any hoe.

4. Awkwardness at Parties- This is a tough one to avoid, due to the fact that at times, you may be stuck in a room with anywhere between 5-15 hoes that you have gotten with, and everyone is just sitting there in an awkward, penis-provoked silence. Getting drunk should help make this go away, although it may also lead to adding #16 to that list, but hey, isn't that the point?

3. The Ending Of Friendships- I'm sure we have all heard the famous phrase, spoken by a wise man; "bros before hoes". WELL, would you believe that in some social circles, dudes actually catch feelings over a hoe?! HA! I laugh at this, but I have seen it first hand, friendships ending over a hoe, just because she happened to RSVP to fellationize multiple men's meat. This is a depressing occurence, and should be avoided at all costs. There are only a few girls I would choose over my friends, and those are Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel, and then I would just videotape myself fucking them and give it to my friends as a christmas present, thus making the friendship stronger than ever.

2. Parents- Even more dangerous than older brothers are concerned parents. Let's say you're just having a nice night, relaxing, maybe receiving some birthday sex, or anniversary anal, when all of a sudden, this hoes parents walk in the room. You continue just pounding away at the hoe, and the mother and father become upset. You are unsure what's wrong, and wondering why they are throwing such an extreme cockblock. You ask them politely to leave the room, but for some reason, they become even angrier. If this has ever happened to you, don't worry, you aren't alone. All you need to do in this situation is come up with a clever line to get yourself out the door quickly. Just quickly look down at the girl, and then back to her parents and simply say...; "Why the fuck am I fucking you when you have such a hot mom?" Problem solved.

1. Burning When You Pee- : (