It is common knowledge that women are easier to come by as the weather gets colder. November and December are statistically the easiest months to pull hoes, after all, isn’t stuffing the Thanksgiving turkey just a metaphor for sex? Plus, isn't Hannukah just 8 days of dick when it comes down to it?
Opportunities to cuddle, hold hands and share blankets rise exponentially, and most of the work is already done. Cheer up, get in the holiday spirit, you’ll come away with at least one whornament to hang on your tree. I'll try to give you a few suggestions for the hoe-liday season.
Halloween- When it comes to giving candy, you need to know how to scout a hoe by the type of candy she is eating... Snickers, Milky Way, those are boring, avoid all hoes eating those. But if you see a hoe eating a butterfinger, move in! She is a fan of the long hard center and that speaks volumes about her. In addition to her, watch out for any girl eating a cadbury cream egg, as she has already had some cream in her mouth once that day, might as well make it twice. Also, while Reeses is a great candy, if you see a subpar hoe with them, you might as well take the Reeses and just say forget the girl.
Trick or treating is fun, but instead of giving out candy at your house, why not condoms and lube? Any girl who actually comes by to get some is basically asking you for it!
Which Costumed-Hoes Should You Pursue?
#1- The Maid- She is already offering to be a servant to your demands, and you haven't even asked!
#2- Sexy Nurse- A very common costume, but a safe choice nonetheless. A girl who is relatively clean and willing to kiss any booboo you may have.
#3- Playboy Bunny- Another common costume choice, you will still be with a girl with no creativity, but the costume usually accentuates the butt so you'll get a nice look if you want to put it where her tail is. After all, she knew she was going to end up bunny hopping on a cock when she picked that costume.
What Costumes To Avoid?
#1- All Disney Characters- She is either going to be too young, or has some fairy-tale idea in her head. Do you really want to have to take her to a ball and rescue her slipper before you get to slip her (the dick)?
#2- Angels- The wings on her back may be eerily similar to the loose, flapping wings you may find when you explore her vagina...
Thanksgiving and Christmas tips coming soon.
i rebuke the "all disney characters" comment. untrue :)
ReplyDeletelol this blog is really funny because pretty much EVERYBODY knows you NEVER get laid & have 0 exeperience with like half of this.
ReplyDeleteand on another note, if you are trying to "pull a hoe" who is still in her trick or treat stages, you got a problem. but honestly, that wouldnt surprise me one bit.