Hoe-Pulling Profile: Dick Nuble (Name Changed To Protect a Legend)

Have you ever seen somebody who is just so cool, calm and collected around women that you can't help but get jealous? Somebody with such exceptional hoe-pulling skill that you can't understand how they do it? I've seen exactly that in one man I know, and I'm going to point out some of the ways he pulls the hoes he does...

#5- The Minor Jewfro- It takes a special person to be able to pull off the Jewfro, and this man does it with perfection, not too goofy, not too serious. During sex, hoes can't help but touch it to see how fluffy it is, and it gives just enough length for girls to hold onto while riding him. Hopefully he doesn't have a sensitive scalp. Not to mention, the jewfro adds a good 1.5 inches to his height.

#4- Fanny Pack- This man singlehandedly brought the fanny pack back from the dead. Not only that, but his fanny pack turns into a raincoat! Not only will it pull hoes for him, it will protect him from getting wet as he pulls them! While in fanny pack mode, it is perfect for holding cigarettes, money for alcohol and a good amount of condoms just in case.

#3- Lack Of Underwear- A trend that is becoming more widely accepted throughout the community, wearing jeans without underwear is this man's number one skill. He does not fear uncomfortable rashes at all, and this fearlessness serves him well in his pursuit of hoes. Hipster hoes dig it.

#2- Dual Wielding 40's- Imagine if you were playing halo, and you could dual-wield shotguns... 40's in both hands is the real life equivalent, not only do they make a damn good weapon when a herpes-hoe run towards you, you can always drink them as well. When a hoe sees a guy holding two 40s, you probably thinks two things... Number one, "oh my, he spent $5 on malt liquor? in this recession, he must be the hipster king!", and number two, "i wonder what i'll have to do to get that other 40 from him!". Either way, she'll be on her knees worshipping you in one way or another, if you know what I mean...

#1- The Mini Van- The ultimate weapon in his arsenal has to be the mini van of many vags. The most noticeable vehicle of the group, when you see it pull up, you know hoes are about to be pulled. It may not look like much from the outside, but once you get inside, you'll see why many girls have been unable to leave the van, (this may also have something to do with them being passed out). The floor of the van is covered with OE and whenever you take a sharp turn, another bottle rolls around the back right to you! Even better, if Dick Nuble ever wanted to stray from the normal hoes and roll to a different group, he'd be right at home with the soccer moms. "Oh, you need to go pick up your son from his game? Let's hop in my van". No smoother words have ever been spoken to women 35+.

Not to mention this man is just plain smooth. An up and coming beer pong player, a good taste in music, and bunk beds! Who wouldn't want to be pulled by this man?

The Temperature Is Going Down On All Of Us, And Soon The Hoes Will Too!

It is common knowledge that women are easier to come by as the weather gets colder. November and December are statistically the easiest months to pull hoes, after all, isn’t stuffing the Thanksgiving turkey just a metaphor for sex? Plus, isn't Hannukah just 8 days of dick when it comes down to it?

Opportunities to cuddle, hold hands and share blankets rise exponentially, and most of the work is already done. Cheer up, get in the holiday spirit, you’ll come away with at least one whornament to hang on your tree. I'll try to give you a few suggestions for the hoe-liday season.

Halloween- When it comes to giving candy, you need to know how to scout a hoe by the type of candy she is eating... Snickers, Milky Way, those are boring, avoid all hoes eating those. But if you see a hoe eating a butterfinger, move in! She is a fan of the long hard center and that speaks volumes about her. In addition to her, watch out for any girl eating a cadbury cream egg, as she has already had some cream in her mouth once that day, might as well make it twice. Also, while Reeses is a great candy, if you see a subpar hoe with them, you might as well take the Reeses and just say forget the girl.

Trick or treating is fun, but instead of giving out candy at your house, why not condoms and lube? Any girl who actually comes by to get some is basically asking you for it!

Which Costumed-Hoes Should You Pursue?

#1- The Maid- She is already offering to be a servant to your demands, and you haven't even asked!

#2- Sexy Nurse- A very common costume, but a safe choice nonetheless. A girl who is relatively clean and willing to kiss any booboo you may have.

#3- Playboy Bunny- Another common costume choice, you will still be with a girl with no creativity, but the costume usually accentuates the butt so you'll get a nice look if you want to put it where her tail is. After all, she knew she was going to end up bunny hopping on a cock when she picked that costume.

What Costumes To Avoid?

#1- All Disney Characters- She is either going to be too young, or has some fairy-tale idea in her head. Do you really want to have to take her to a ball and rescue her slipper before you get to slip her (the dick)?

#2- Angels- The wings on her back may be eerily similar to the loose, flapping wings you may find when you explore her vagina...

Thanksgiving and Christmas tips coming soon.

Random Hoe-Pulling Observations In Recent Interaction...

I apologize for the downtime the blog experienced, but I am back to share the knowledge with you once again. I have had a few interesting encounters recently, and i'd like to share them in order to hopefully educate you at least a bit...

• Some hoes actually like when you say that you're a creeper and/or facebook stalker. Girls with low self esteem suddenly feel important when you notify them that you have been secretly looking at their facebooks or stalking them. It's weird I know, but I suppose girls would rather be creeped on, than be an anonymous vag. If you can use this to your advantage, go ahead and give it a shot. Beware though, if tried on the wrong girl, you may have someone's mom knocking on your door...
  
  
• In a room full of 16 year old white hoes, Miley Cyrus's Party in The USA is best wingman you could ever ask for...
  
  
• The higher the quality beer you're drinking, the higher quality hoe you will pull, PROVEN FACT! If you're sipping on keystone, AKA piss, you will, most likely end up with a hoe who will offer to drink your piss. Another warning; if you're just getting with hoes who drink 40's with you, take note of the fact how well they handle that big bottle. It may be a sign that their vagina has, in the past, handled things almost as large.
  
  
• If a hoe asks you for a sip of beer, she may also asking, silently of course, for a sip of your splooge.
  
  
• Two things in the world are impossible; licking your elbow, and fucking in a Smart Car.
  
  
• Nothing improves sexual performance more than ultra ribbed condoms.
  
  
• Ever been in a hurry to gauge whether or not you think a girl has a suitably clean vaginal region? Take a quick check at her toes. If they are painted nicely, good to go. If she's got stubbed toes, broken nails and discoloration and/or many callouses, you're probably going to run into some discoloration and callouses down under as well.
  
  
• When drunk, remember, you don't literally PULL the hoe. That usually results in getting slapped. Although, if you can literally just pull one, you have more game than 99% of America.
  
  
• Secret trick of the day: When laying in bed behind a girl, out of nowhere, ask for a high five, but when she turns around instead of your hand she makes contact with, replace it with your penis... WARNING- Some girls high five really, really hard. : (
  

I'll be updating more often, this was just a little bit to catch you up on the game in the last few weeks.