Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Return of How To Pull Hoes: Spitting Game Using Board Games


How To Pull Hoes took a very long break, but it has returned just in time for the end of the semester. In the blog's downtime, I received quite a bit of emails asking for advice, as well as emails sharing whore horror stories that had recently occurred. 

Surprisingly enough, a number of emails addressed the issue of playing board games while trying to seduce a hoe (alright, only two emails did, but that is two more than I ever expected). I never thought of board games as the way to a woman's diamond-shaped heart, but perhaps the times are changing.

As a result of these changes, I felt as though I should try to assist the two people who emailed me, so I will attempt to improve everybody's board game related game for broads.

I have compiled a list of board games (and other games of the sort) that I believe can lead to successful hoe pulling, along with a clever little line that may be able to assist you in your attempt:

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Twister- The ideal game to discover whether or not a girl is flexible enough for your liking, and also a warm-up for any activities that you may be participating in later.

Line- "Left foot: green, right hand: blue balls..."

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Hungry Hungry Hippos- One of the most simple yet entertaining games ever created, and also a great self esteem boost for many hoes. True, they may inhale balls just as quickly as the hippos in the game, but they are much, much skinnier! There is nothing a hoe loves hearing more than compliments about her ball-swallowing and physique at the SAME DAMN TIME!

Line 
(upon observing that the hoe you're trying to talk to is pretty good at the game)- "Wow, you really know how to gobble up balls! I'd like a private demonstration if possible. I'll even slam my hand against the back of your head repeatedly if it gets you in the mood!"

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Uno- One of the dopest games from anybody's childhood, UNO can also be a helpful tool when trying to seduce a hoe. It is a proven fact that hoes love bright colorful things (example: raves), and the array of colorful cards in an UNO deck can work as a natural aphrodisiac if used correctly. In addition to the colors, there are a couple random opening provided by the cards themselves in UNO that may be able to help you out...
Line 
(after putting down a Draw Two or Draw Four card)- "I guess I just hit you with the D, don't act like you don't like it... I bet I can make you go WILD too."

NOTE- Only the 1994 version of UNO contains the Draw Two/Four cards picturing the giant D. Not my problem.

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Slapjack- This isn't the normal version of Slapjack (a game where each player puts down a card until they see a Jack, in which case they slap the pile). Instead, we will call this Slapjunk.

Line- "Hey, there isn't enough room to play on that table over there, so let's just play on my lap instead....!"

Proceed to have junk slapped.

"Ouch, that hurt! You could at least kiss it to say sorry!"

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These are just a few of the possibilities out there, you just need to be creative.

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