No game? No worries!

As most men know, the majority of hoes are attracted to three things...

1. Large amounts of money
2. Large amounts of free alcohol.
3. Large amount of penis.

This is not to say that all girls enjoy those three things, some may only enjoy one or two of things, whether they be rich, sober, not promiscuous, or a midget. If you don't have those things, you may think you're in trouble, but really, you aren't. I will give a few quick tips on how you can still pull hoes without any of the aforementioned items in your repertoire...

1. So, you don't have money? Well you can work around this problem. First, go to the coinstar and turn all of the loose change in your house to cash, and go and buy yourself a nice tie. Men who wear ties usually have money, and many girls will be turned on at just the sight of your newly-purchased neckwear.
   
   But it isn't as easy as just wearing a tie (unless you are me), you will need more than that if you wish to truly get women to believe that you have money. Upon first meeting a female that you wish would fellationate you, make sure whenever she is looking, have a business page of the newspaper in your hands and mumble something about mutual funds. This will work for the older females, but younger ones may think you're a creeper, because face it, who invests in stock, AND drinks Keystone these days?
   
   If that doesn't work, you need to aim at girls who are much more stupid, and fall for these tricks. Otherwise, carry many $1 bills, and wrap them with a single $100 bill, to make it look like your wad is big, so in return, she will take your big wad... If you know what I mean.
   
   (As a last resort, selling one's possessions is optional, you'll regret it in the morning, trust me)
   
   
   
2. This one is hard to get around, due to the fact that these days, hoes have a nose for drugs and alcohol, and know when a guy is fronting. If you don't have much money, or don't want to give away too much in the pursuit of punani, you'll have to be clever.
   
   First, make sure, whenever you hangout with the hoe you have chosen, never let her eat anything, this way, she'll get drunker much easier, and you won't have to buy her dinner either, two birds with one stone.
   
   Secondly, you'll have to be smart when it comes to the purchase of alcohol. If you approach a hoe with a 40 in hand, she'll know you're a trendy hipster who probably buys beer in spare change, which, you probably are, and probably do. But that is alright, if necessary, just buy 40's for yourself. Next up, if she is a liquor drinker, what you'll need to do is go by a bar after hours and ask if you can have their empty liquor bottles. Most places are cool with this if you don't look like a bum. After you have collected bottles of nice liquor, think, Grey Goose, head over to the liquor store. Buy yourself some Taaka, and pour the Taaka into the empty Goose bottle. Now you're a trendy hipster who rolls with bottle of goose, definitely a step up.
   
   If you want to complement that Goose with some quality juice... Don't. Fuck real juice, buy some Jarritos or some Kroger brand juice, the hoe will be too moist in the vaginal region to even care what juice you have, after all, you have a bottle of TaakaGoose!
   
   
3. The last one is tricky, because it is hard to trick a hoe when it comes to your penis. They can see it plain and simple, and can feel it inside them. If you are lacking in the penile region, you will definitely need to work on your tongue skills, as much as you don't like to hear it.
   
   BUT, what you could do, if desperate to trick a hoe into thinking you are packing a nice tube steak, there are a few tips.
   
   If she wears glasses, switch out her regular lenses with magnifying lenses, this will give you the illusion that your penis, once 5x2, is now 10x4, but your scrotum will look gigantic, and you'll need her to wear the glasses all night, thus if you facial her and get it on the glasses, she may be scared at how much you just splooged.
   
   Another possibility is taking advantage of the darkness and never letting the hoe feel it. You can finger fuck her with your pinky for 10+ minutes, so when you do finally get inside with your pixie stick, by comparison you will seem larger. This only works on dumb hoes mind you, but isn't that what you're going after?
   
   If all is lost, you just need to make sure you find yourself a short girl, their walls aren't as deep, and they will appreciate a normal penis much more than a WNBA player would. NEVER, I repeat, never get with a girl taller than you or who weighs more than you, she can outdrink you, needs a large penis, and fat people clothes are expensive, so you won't be able to afford her...

That is it for tonight, but tomorrow we will focus on other important aspects of pulling hoes. Until next time, stay herpes free!

*Disclaimer, not all girls are hoes, I acknowledge this fact. But this blog was created to help game-challenged men all around the world pull hoes, not respectable women.