12:00- When The Clock Strikes Midnight, Cinderella Girls Turn Into Sinderella Hoes.

I know I have touched on this in previous posts, but I believe that it is now important enough to warrant it's own write-up. Basically, whenever you're at a party, you're having a good time, and then all of a sudden, midnight rolls around, and the realization that you can't buy beer anymore hits you (Unless it's Saturday night, in which case, shit, we're good!). All of a sudden, all those girls who seemed so wonderful and classy just a few minutes ago have completely transformed.

At 11:42 you can hear the girls talking amongst each other "oh em gee, I have so much dignity", but when 12:01 rolls around and they are on a mission to procure any remaining drinks, it is more like "fuck dignity, i just want a drink you see, and some dick in me!". Buttons start getting undone, cleavage evolves from just being able to make out the breast, to the girls actually letting you make out WITH the breast. In order to capitalize on this as much as possible, you must think ahead enough to reserve a stash of alcohol for later in the night when it will do you the most good. Obviously, I don't condone the use of alcohol to pull hoes, but think of it as a friendly fishing, these hoes are going to bite somebody's line (figuratively, hopefully) why not toss your bait in the water and see if you can wiggle it enough to catch something.

Don't be one of the dudes who gives up his drinks with no return on your investment, you don't even have to be disrespectful or exploitational. It is very possible to be a stand-up guy and still lay a girl down. Basically, keep a reserve stash as long as you'd like, and when the hoes all make their rounds looking for shots and beers, choose your timing wisely. Let them deplete everybody else's surplus and then when they finally come around to you, make your move.

One way for you to ensure that you only give as much in a shot as you like, is to attach a shot pourer to your bottle; much like this one to the left. With this equipped to your bottle, not only can you pour the shots yourself, adjusting for the looks of the girl, but if you want to have a little fun, mispour at the beginning and cover their face or shirt with a little of it, always a good laugh, especially with some hoes you dislike.

However, one way to add even more laughs to this setup, try to find a shot pourer shaped like a penis, and attach that to the top of the bottle whenever you're planning on pouring a girl a mouthshot.

For another bit of fun, offer to chug a beer with a few of your friends and a hoe who wanted a beer, but make sure to shake hers up before you give it to her. It is a win/win situation, she gets some beer, you get a laugh, and her shirt may get a little wet. What it comes down to, is that after 12 o'clock, the one with the remaining drinks usually make the rules. If a girl wants a beer, tell her that she has to chug it out of her best friend's boobs or take a beer pong through your zipper. Throw something ridiculous out there and see how badly she really wants a drink!

Next, i've had a lot of people ask me how they are supposed to know which hoes are the most desperate for alcohol when the time comes. It is pretty simple, just keep your eyes open and observe the surroundings. The most desperate hoes usually come in three types.

1. The "Bottom of the Beer Drinkers"- Their is usually at least one girl (more dudes do this however) who traces a route around the party keeping an eagle-eye out for somebody to put down their beer when they're done with it, or goes on a hunt searching for unfinished beers. By doing this she is able to find a handful of beers (warm, usually) that have not been finished, and sometimes have as little as just one sip left in them. This is the most desperate as she is already throwing fear of cooties out the window and is basically saying "fuck it, i'm not letting this sip go to waste". You know what this also says? She doesn't mind taking a little shot of liquid in her mouth from anybody at the party. Pass this girl off to the most desperate dude in your group in an attempt to get her to take a sip of his "longneck"... Pause.

2. The "Hey, Nice to Meet You, But Only After 12:00 Girl"- You've been at the party for a good 2 hours, and this hoe has given you the cold shoulder. However, once the alcohol starts running low, she becomes oh so friendly and has never been so eager to take part in your conversation and learn all about you. That interest only lasts a good 45 seconds though before she broaches a new topic. "Oh my god, somebody took my beer, this is terrible! Can I have yours?" What she failed to mention though, was that beer that somebody "took" was actually a random bottle she grabbed off the table right before she walked over to mooch and smooch with you. Depending on your response, she will make this same round around the whole party. Usually, my response to this hoe would be a bit of challenge. If she remembers my name, sure, she can get a beer, but usually from my Keystone stash. If she doesn't, adios hoe. (Disclaimer: Not every girl who wants to meet you after midnight is a mooching hoe, some are genuinely interested in you. To judge which of the two they are, judge how long they bother to stay around and how long it takes for them to ask for a drink. Less than a minute, and I think you have your answer.)

3. The "Girl Who Changes Into Something More Comfortable"- This is usually the most interesting and most enjoyable, if only for the fact that they usually lose a layer of clothing in order to command more attention and perhaps ease into their seduction. Very commonly, especially in the summer as the night goes on, will change outfits. This could mean they go to their car to take off their jeans and put on a skirt, go into the bathroom to take their panties or bra off, or just take their shirt off in front of anybody. By doing this, they get a step up on the other hoes, and no men lose when this hoes is around (unless she is fat). However, sometimes this can lead to comical occurrences, including a girl who says she is going to change real quickly and comes back wearing a swimsuit at a location without a pool. Perhaps she could be saying, secretly, that she is looking to get wet? Take note of this hoe and keep in mind that she was willing to strip down without provocation, who knows what could happen if there is alcoholic incentives involved.

Basically, the point of this is to keep your eyes open if you're attempting to get some legs open. Even if you aren't, there is still quality entertainment to be had once the clock strikes midnight and their is a free for all for all things free. However, at the same time, if you are the one with the last alcohol, be careful, dudes mooch just as hard as hoes and are much more annoying. Make sure to have your fun before they get to desperate and decide to head to a bar in hopes of lame dudes buying them drinks there. However, realize that after 2 AM, any remaining alcohol is worth even more! A sip for a nip if you're lucky.

Also realize that the best wingman will toss his best friends drinks before he tosses anything to a beezy. Bros before hoes especially with brews, don't forget that. Dumb hoes will be around forever, but good friends are hard to find. Who knows, you may need their surplus in your future endeavors.

Oh well, until next time, keep your pimp hand strong, your personal bar stocked, and use hoes as entertainment whenever you can.

How To Spot a Hoe's Injuries; And What They May Mean...

We have all been out and about, perusing for a female companion, when all of a sudden, something catches your eye that you know you just HAVE to pursue. However, upon further inspection, you realize that the hoe you were pursuing was actually damaged goods, and unless there is some sort of money-back guarantee or extreme discount, you'd be better off just staying away.

It is necessary to be alert and notice signs that some other eager beaver bangers may be overlooking in an attempt to smash as speedily as possible. Here are a few of the warning signs that may keep you from inserting due to injuries.

Bruises/Rugburn on Knees- The easiest sign to notice, especially as girls are trying harder and harder to show more skin. The only possible explanations for a girl having bruised knees are negative, and range from frequent fellatio-ing, to repeated restroom regurgitation, all the way down to just being a quite-manly tomboy. Obviously being a boyish bitch isn't as bad as a girl who has a steady schedule of sucking dick, or a girl who likes tasting her food twice, but nobody wants a hoe who can beat them in arm-wrestling. After all, just imagine what she'd do to your dick, you'd probably be dealing with a limp noodle when her forearm flexing workout was through. Basically, very little good can come from obvious marks on knees, and bandaids should never be a turn on, unless you're a really lame vampire.

Nosebleed And/Or Nasal Strips- Another very obvious injury to keep an eye out for, bloody noses are ALWAYS a deterrent. Either the girl tried to do a barcode worth of coke, sucks at fighting and took a right hook in the face, or even worse, picked her boogers so viciously that she has sliced her inner nostril! Every intelligent man knows that some girls out there are going to be golddiggers, but most didn't know that this was the definition they had in mind for some. Regardless, any nose related injury screams BAD NEWS from a mile away, even without the blood. In addition to looking plain lame, some girls out there are using Breathe-Right strips in order to open their nasal-passages in attempts to get as much out of their vanilla coke as possible. While you can't blame them for being savvy shoppers and trying to get the bang for their buck, looking drugged and dorky at the same time is never good.

Tennis Elbow- As you can tell, the woman to the left is suffering from a very severe and painful case of tennis

elbow, more commonly referred to as "Tugging Elbow" in the world of sluts, and is one of the more overlooked injuries you may come across. At first inspection, it may seem as though this girl obtained this injury from being such an avid fan of tennis, but on the contrary, the percentages say this injury is most likely to come from excessive handjobs. WARNING SIGN! #1, you have a girl who is most likely entertaining a large group of men, with relative fapping frequency. Even more frightening however, is the fact that she is placing her hands on hard-ons and actually convincing guys that it is passable as sexual activity. She has the mindset of a middle schooler and the elbow of an elderly woman, never a good mix. Avoid, unless and avid fan of dry dick high fives.

Concussions- Another very tricky injury, as your first reaction will usually be one of pity for the victim, but don't let the woozy/innocent look on their face fool you. I have come to the conclusion that nearly half of cunt's concussions are due to a very traumatic and painful experience. Dickslaps. The whiplash that follows the aforementioned cock-to-cheek collision can even lead to neck injuries in the most violent occurrences. So, by all means, feel some remorse for women who have suffered this fate, but just remember, that the next time you kiss her on her cheek and wish her a get well soon, you may have just made contact with rod residue.

Dehydration- Though not necessarily an injury, I believe that due to the extreme temperatures being reached this summer, it would be a good idea to point this one out. It isn't out of the ordinary for a hoe to have cotton mouth during the summer, however, if it is a hoe that you plan on receiving sexual favors from later on, you may be at risk for a terrible affliction know as dessert dome dick. The only known cure is

a healthy dose of water and Gatorade, as the electrolytes within the Gatorade work as the greatest wingman you'll ever need in times of desperation. In other words, just think of Gatorade as a hoes mouth lube.

As you can see very clearly with Mia Hamm and the many sexual innuendos that her past Gatorade ad contained, Gatorade is the perfect item for foreplay. "It's never wanting to stop (giving you head)" followed by the mandatory act of the man asking her "Is it in you?". At the very least, with the use of Gatorade to rehydrate, you can use all of the excess sweat (as she takes a teabag to forehead) as a sort of lubricant.

These are the most frequent injuries that I have run into recently, and was just making sure that my fellow men are well-informed in this area. After all, we're all in this together, and education before penetration is the most important thing.

Bros Before Hoes: When Is It Acceptable To Ditch For A Bitch?

Very often, we are faced with a dilemma; should we ditch our friends to chill with a girl? Or should we always be loyal to the male division of our friends. To be honest, when it comes down to a battle of sexes, the one that you can have sex with will almost always win.

This isn’t to say that you should always bail on your buds to get some butt, but in certain situations, it isn’t a bad idea.

Guaranteed nut busting with a new girl= Acceptable. Obviously, you aren’t supposed to bail on your good friends in order to go fuck, but true friends will understand, unless you’re going to fuck their girl, or the two of you have signed up for a 2-on-2 basketball tournament or something. If you have yet to slide inside this girl, and it has been established that by choosing this hoe over bros, you are guaranteed penetration, go ahead. However, the wild card here is that you should invite your friends to join you in busting this nut whenever possible. The old adage remains true, nothing build friendships more than traveling together, and in this situation, running train together is the best trip I can think of.

High-rated hoes over bros = Acceptable. This is another situation where it is acceptable to abandon your current friends in order to pursue the puss. No REAL friend is going to get mad if you disappear to go chase a fine ass dime, you just have to make sure to tell them all the details when you return. 10’s are protected under this statute, as well as 9’s. If you are approached by your friends and called a bitch for trying to go leave, they are most likely jealously cockblocking you.

Extreme drought = Acceptable. If you’re blue balls have gone from sky, to royal to navy and are now approaching a shade of purple, you are granted a pardon to penetrate. I wouldn’t even wish a dry streak on my worst enemies, so if your friends give you a hard time about bailing on them, tell them your story. Anything over 3 months without smashing, and you have reached an extreme drought and need to get your dick wet ASAP.

Retaliation desertion in hopes of insertion = Perhaps Acceptable. It happens, some dude always disappears to go be with some gal, and it isn’t always during an acceptable situation. Let’s say your best friend bailed on you last week when he was supposed to be tearing down the walls in your house, in order to tear down some girl’s wall instead. If his situation doesn’t correspond to one of the three that I mentioned above, you are now given an opportunity to do the same. Granted that it is within one week of his, and the girl you bail on him with is of equal or hotter value than his was. Bonus points (though a little grimy) if it is the same girl that he bailed on you for.

Checking something off your checklist = Perhaps Acceptable. In the grand sexual scope, we all have a checklist that we hope to accomplish before our penises become obsolete and hoes no longer have a use for us. These checklists vary in length and difficulty depending on how skilled the man thinks he is. However, if you are within reach of checking off a high-ranked goal on your checklist, it is, at times, acceptable to leave the group in order to chase it. This could include anal sex, Eiffel tower, nutting on faces, a threesome, a MILF, a prom queen, etc, all depending on your personal list. Basically anything that will give you a good story to tell your friends is acceptable, after all, they deserve to be rewarded for being so understanding.

Prudes over dudes = NOT Acceptable. We are all on a mission of jizzing, which explains, very simply, why this is a no-go. You should, under no circumstances, leave your friends in order to chill with a girl who isn’t going to give it up. Exceptions include girlfriends (but why would you be dating a prude), foreign-exchange students (cultural differences are understandable) and taking the prude away from the group in order to protect your friends. However, if you are, somehow, able to Kenyan run through a girl previously identified as prude, you are granted immunity the next time around, and given another opportunity without fear of repercussions.

These are just a few of the situations that you may encounter on your coochie quest. Remember though, money over bitches and bros before hoes still applies in most situations, so don’t make a habit of bailing.

Until next time, keep on F’ing B’s and G’ing M.

Four Loko Hoes- Where $1.69 Can Lead To A 69.

SIDE EFFECTS OF FOUR LOKO-

• Blurred Vision (& Morals)
• Chest Pain
• Blackouts
• Memory Loss
• Bubble Guts
  
  
  
  IF SUCCESSFUL, LOKO LEADS TO:
  
  
  

&

So let's say you're faced with a dilemma: You have $3, and you want some gummy worms from the corner store, but you have to get a hoe drunk... What do you do? You buy the gummy bears and stick the chick with a loko, and use that dime you get back as change to contribute to a homeless man's FourLoko Fund.

No longer must you worry about dropping dollars to get hoes to drop your drawers (unless of course she blacks out from the 'Alcoholic Gusher', in which case, you at least have another story about the serial killer known as Four Loko.) Just lift your cushions looking for couch change and end the night with a hoe leaving blouse stains!

My favorite thing to do is buy one of each flavor Four Loko, head to a party, and leave them sitting by a group of hoes. Wait for them to acknowledge the presence of the beverage, and then they will pounce. Keep a close eye on them, and whichever girl chooses your favorite flavor, pursue her, and if you happen to be rejected by the first girl, pick your second favorite flavor and work your way down the loose lineup of Loko.

If you're really looking to find yourself surrounded by easy women, you could perhaps paint your car colored-camo, put a four loko logo on, and roam the streets handing out drinks and dick to thirsty hoes all around your neighborhood. Get yourself a Loko theme song to play to let people know you're in the neighborhood, and you'll be more popular than the ice cream man in no time. Perhaps this?



I must warn you all though, pretty soon it looks as though our Loko is going to be taken off the shelf. Which means you should take advantage of it while you still can, and perhaps stockpile a few for the future. Who knows, in post-apocalyptic America, Four Loko may be the magical hoelixir and be the most precious resource on the planet.

BONUS: Four Loko Recipe Of The Week!

"Dew The Loco"

(1)- Four Loko Watermelon
(1)- Mountain Dew 20 oz.
(1)- (Hopefully) Strong Stomach Lining

Pulling Hoes: Is Eating Out Acceptable? (Cuisine, Not Cunnilingus)

Every now and then, you may have the crazy idea in your head that you should take a hoe out for dinner. Whether it be because you’re hungry, or you are trying to flatter her, there are some basic ground rules that you need to keep in mind.

NEVER spend too much money on her- There should be a correlation of some sort between her rating on a 1-10 scale, and how many dollars you spend on her meal. While it is safe to say that you shouldn’t be taking a ‘3’ out to dinner, that doesn’t mean you can’t take a girl out for a cheap dining experience.

Even I have taken a girl out and gotten her to 'bang me after Banh Mi'. Avoid places that are too cheap though, as they could lead to indigestion before insertion, and that is never good. Especially avoid CiCi’s, unless you’re taking out her cockblocking fat friend with you and you’re trying to lose her along the way. That long line of sub par pizza may very well be more exciting to her than your penis.

I’ll give a few acceptable food choices depending on the rating of the girl you’re treating.

• 1-3 Rating- The corner store usually has day old hot dogs, maybe some soggy nachos, or even a candy bar should all suffice in this situation. Though, while you’re there, you should probably do yourself a favor and buy some beer for yourself. (I hope for your sake that you’re not really going out with a girl rated this low, but if you are, I suppose you have to take her somewhere, right?)

• 4-5 Rating- Not quite condonable, somewhere cheap with poorly lit rooms would work best. You should consider a low-class Chinese buffet perhaps. (Hopefully, this will be the only pussy that you’re eating tonight, ha!) Though buffets leave you susceptible to spending too much time together, so, if possible, you should try to find a quicker meal. Studies have shown that KFC is a suitable location, as the Colonel is rarely known to cockblock. Also, neighborhood Mexican restaurants are acceptable, especially if you can get away with only giving her chips and salsa as a meal!

• 6-7 Rating- Now you’re getting into the more promising territory, so do not be afraid to open your wallet a little more in order to open her legs. This is a good range to take a hoe for wings if you’re a fan. Not only will you be able to focus your attention on the multiple TVs showing sports in case the dinner isn’t going well, but you’ll also be able to scope her tongue technique as she licks any excess sauce off of her fingers.

• 8-9 Rating- This is where you don’t want to make a mistake. If you’ve come this far, and are taking out a highly-rated girl, you don’t want to seem cheap, but at the same time, you don’t want to splurge before you splooge. With a girl this attractive, you won’t be afraid to be seen with her, so a popular, albeit boring location, is acceptable. Chili’s, Olive Garden (Get her full on unlimited salad and breadsticks!) and Applebees are all possibilities, and also give you a decent chance of having a waitress better looking than your hoe if you so please. This way, it seems casual, you don’t look poor, and you can have decent food. I don’t recommend taking a hoe to your favorite restaurant, for fear of running into her in the future after you are done with her, it could get messy, and you could have to give up your favorite spot.

• 10 Rating- This is the only time that I will condone taking a girl out for a nice meal. If the girl is a certified dime, you can, if you’re in the mood for it, take her out for sushi. The reason I reserved sushi for a dime was to ensure that your sushi will be the only thing smelling fishy, and not your date’s vagina. While you should be careful not to overspend, most girls realize that a sushi date is special, and will try not to order too much. On occasion they will be satisfied/full with just a few pieces off of your plate. A good sushi dinner for two can be had for under $30-40, and you’ll be full, the girl will be honored, and your chances of smashing will increase tenfold. Be careful though; keep the sushi dinner in your back pocket only for girls who are worthy, you don’t want to show your best card in an unnecessary situation!

Remember though, some hoes may be so happy that they have been taken out for dinner that they will offer to pay in some cases. To keep this possibility open without asking openly, when the check comes, excuse yourself to the bathroom for a second, and if you come back and the bill is paid, act surprised by her sweetness and have yourself a win/win situation. Free sushi and free sex? I don’t think it gets much better than that.

How To Pull Hoes: Back To School Edition (Don't Flunk Trying To Fuck)

So, school is starting back up, and your surplus of summer hoes have left you, and you have to start a new. Don’t worry, the start of a semester is the perfect time to find a slut.

1. School Supply Shopping- Sure, shopping for school supplies doesn’t seem like the most exciting thing in the world, but you can liven it up by buying a few items that may come in handy..

Ruler- This is pretty obvious, right? You can even buy one of the mini rulers, or use a centimeter stick instead. After all, mathematical conversion aren’t exactly a hoe’s strong point, so when you say that your dick is 16 centimeters long, you can imagine how excited the hoe might be! Also good for measuring things in math class, such as, well, whatever you might do in math class.

Hole Puncher- Everyone is going to need to put holes in their papers eventually, though, if you’re doing your job right, you will be punching her hole yourself, no assistance needed!

Post-It Notes- These come in handy when you need to remind yourself of something in the future. Whether it be for a paper that you have due at the end of the week, or if you think you’re going to forget a hoe’s name after sex, just write it on a post it note, stick it on her forehead, and you have nothing to fear!

Those are just a few, I’m sure you’ll find practical uses for plenty of other school supplies if you try hard enough to implement them into the bedroom! (Disclaimer: White out cannot erase mistakes made with fat girls)

2. Picking Your Classes- This is a tough one, because you don’t want to build a schedule based solely around hoes, so you have to a have a steady balance of bitches and buddies. Avoid sausage fest classes like woodshop (Unless you like your A’s as easy as you like your hoes), because the only wood getting any attention in that class will be what you’re working on. Perhaps a cooking class would suit you better, and scope out the girls who make the best cookies. A hoe skilled with dough is a real plus. But if you don’t get a favorable schedule, it’s no big deal, there will be hoes in all of your classes. Unless of course you go to an all-boys school, in which case, err, I’m so sorry.

3. The First Day- A nerve-racking one indeed, you can make or break yourself on the first day. Don’t be too friendly, but don’t be too much of a loner or else you’ll be alone, stuck with your boner.

- If you aren’t careful, and offer to carry a girl’s books, she may offer to carry your child. First day pregnancies are no good!

- Sit in the back of the classroom whenever you can, it leaves the best opportunity for fooling around while there is schooling around.

- Most importantly, don’t show up to class before everyone else, you don’t want to be known around the school as “the guy who comes too early”.

More than anything, don’t be awkward, don’t try too hard to be cool, and don’t trip on the stairs, and you’ll have an advantage over most of the other guys.

I’ll check in later in the week and see if I can’t assign some HOE-mwork for you guys.

When NOT To Pull Hoes...

Most people like pulling hoes, that is a well-known fact, but that doesn't mean that you should devote all of your time and energy to pull a hoe, that would be silly. If you head to a party with the sole intention of pulling a hoe, either you have blue balls, or you are far too reliant on busting nuts. Hoes should be the icing on the cake of a party, not the cake itself (and no, just because hoes are the icing, that doesn't mean you should lick your fingers after you put your hands in the cake, that could turn out badly).

All i'm saying, is that don't build your night around pulling a hoe unless they are top notch, or it's a really lame party. There are times when pulling hoes works out perfectly, and then there are times when you should forget the hoes and do something else. Here is a list of the times when you should definitely NOT be focusing on pulling hoes.

• While Running The Beer Pong Table- It's a well known fact that hoes love athletes, it's been evident all throughout middle school, high school, college, shit, just look at all the pro athletes who have gotten in trouble because of hoes. If Ben Roethlisberger would have been running a beer pong table, there is no way that he could have been in the bathroom raping that hoe. Beer pong keeps you from being a rapist, Big Ben has proven this point twice!
  
  That being said, if you're on the pong table, and you're undefeated, or have a nice win streak going, you have no reason whatsoever to leave to pursue a hoe. They have probably already flocked to the cock to witness the display of dominance. Now all you have to do is recruit them to do your work for you; getting beers to fill up the cups, refilling the water cup, blowing on the balls for good luck, and maybe even showing their boobs to distract the other team. (Once a girl is willing to show her boobs to your enemy in order to assist you, you know you have her pulled).
  
  If you're really good, just pull her while you're ponging , and even get your pong partner in on the fun. Let's say you maybe want to run train on some hoe watching the pong, just nonchalantly announce to the hoe; "Hey hoe, look at this, same cup", and then proceed to sink the same cup as your teammate and ask her if she'd like to turn this "BP" into some "DP".
  
  
• While Watching A Sporting Event- Sometimes, you may show up to a party, and there will be a game on, and you'll sit down to watch it. As a connoisseur of both sports and hoes, I have to say that watching a good game is favorable to pulling a good hoe. The suspense, uncertainty and excitement of sports is tough to find in hoes, after all, there is no overtime or last second game-winning shots in the game of pulling hoes.
  
  Once the hoes notice that you have chosen sports over them, they will try to find a way to seduce you away from the television and into their vagina, DO NOT GIVE IN! They may start by just saying their own 'That's What She Said"s to the commentary. "They need to go deeper if they expect to score", "They just pounded that one in there while nobody was looking", "Almost the whole team got in on that one!", etc... You know the hoes are desperate when they're calling there own TWSS's, but you cannot give in. After all, I think halftime was actually invented as an intermission for insertion, so just smash at the half if you must!
  
  
• While On a Beer Run- This is the most unforgivable sin of them all; focusing on a bitch when you should be focusing on beer. No good will ever come from this happening. If a hoe tags along, she'll probably be all touchy-feely, asking for you to buy her some Mike's Hard Lemonade, when everyone knows damn well she just want some hard cock.
  
  Refrain from spitting game until after the beer has been successfully purchased, and then return to the party a hero. Because if something comes up, and you get distracted by dicking some hoe down, the corner store closes, and you miss out on beer, you have pretty much singlehandedly ruined the night, cockblocked all of your friends, and you suck. Just by buying the beer, you've been the best wingman your friends could ask for, don't let a hoe ruin that.
  
  
• While Playing Edward 40 Hands- It is just impractical. You have two 40s taped in your hands, and your racing to finish them. You won't be able to grab any titties, and you'll basically just miss out on some of the best parts of a hoe.
  
  After all, what is the point in pulling a hoe if you can't high five your friends afterwards!?
  
  
• While Smoking a Blunt- This is the mistake that I see more often than any other, dudes who let hoes jump in on their blunt in hopes of hoes letting them, in turn, jump in their cunt. Do not waste dro on a hoe. If you're going to let a hoe in on a blunt, make sure you receive equal compensation. If you're going to let her in on your hotbox, she better let you in HER hotbox! If she wants to get blown, she has to blow.
  
  

Of course, these aren't the only times that pulling hoes isn't practical, but I think these are the ones that people most commonly make mistakes with. We all love the satisfaction that comes with pulling a new hoe, but make sure that it doesn't stop you from doing the things you need to.

Bros before hoes.
Blunts before hoes.
Beer run before hoes.

Keep pullin'.